Community Payback

And so the damage limitation machine slides smoothly into action, led by the witless Archbishop of Canterbury. He's been calling for people to let up on the poor 'ickle politicians caught with their fingers in the till.

The Archbishop of Canterbury has warned the "systematic humiliation" of MPs over their expenses is a threat to democracy in Britain.

Two things. Firstly, this is the House of Commons that was behind the systematic shaming of minor offenders by putting them in day-glo vests when they're doing their Community Service orders. The argument then was that shaming plays a part both in deterring others and cutting re-offending rates. I don't see many MPs wearing High Visibility Vests with "Community Payback" written on them. I don't see many people on Community Service orders being offered the option of getting away scot-free just by saying "Terribly sorry old chap".

One Country - One Set Of Laws - Applicable To All

Let's have some Community Payback. If the most we can expect is to see MPs named and shamed in the Press, that's the very least of their problems.

But the bearded wonder goes on to somehow imply that democracy is at threat.

Dr Rowan Williams said the daily press revelations could erode people's confidence in the political system.

In the words of the legendary Watson "No shit Sherlock". Finding out what's been going on does tend to raise eyebrows. Would the blithering Bish prefer the press didn't report it? I rather think he would. But he misses the point.

We didn't go to war with Germany because the press said Herr Hitler was a bad guy, we did it because he bloody invaded Poland! We're not furious with politicians because the press write stories, we're furious because they've been stealing from us for years.

And the only reason they're feeling sorry for themselves and handing some back is because they were bloody well caught!

If it hadn't been leaked, they would have carried on regardless, getting duck houses and dog food, moats cleaned and wisteria pruned. They would have been shafting us daily and getting rich off our backs whilst all the while telling us sanctimoniously to tighten our belts in a recession. We lose our jobs. We lose our homes, marriages fail, crime goes up, people die as a direct result of their incompetence and all the time they're stuffing their faces in restaurants subsidised by us, getting rich on the property ladder subsidised by us. Whilst we live in fear of going to jail because this month the choice was between food for the kids and the TV licence, they're buying 50" Plasma TVs and having them delivered all over the country.

Democracy is at stake you bearded buffoon because people have found out that we don't have democracy. The stone has been lifted and as the worms squirm and the cockroaches scuttle, we're finding out about the profoundly sleazy nature of Westminster. Party Whips and blokes in tights fighting tooth and nail to fashion laws to suit the political classes. Politicians pass laws one day giving the State the power to read every e-mail in the country then the next day they try to exempt themselves from Freedom of Information. These buggers forced millions of smokers into the streets, made lepers of them all and delivered a mortal blow to the pub industry, but they exempted themselves. They puff away merrily in Commons Bars, sniggering at us bloody proles.

Archbishop of Canterbury I've got news for you. This is 2009, not 1009. We don't have an aristocracy with the power of life and death over the peasants. I know you and your lot did rather well out of the Feudal System, but we ain't going back.

We will have our pound of flesh and I suggest you shut your trap and keep your head down. Because once we've finished with this lot, we've got an eye on you and your chums in the House of Lords.